a bit of frustration on a beautiful day

with the sun shining, yummy food in my belly and wonderful company, i recognize that i’m a bit frustrated today. things are going so well on so many levels here, yet at the same time there are certain things that are not flowing at all, such as finding an oncologist, which thus means getting scans done. and as my body is changing and things are moving around, i feel this need to be checking in on things and soon. the frustration is further irritated by my wanting to be in control, because i’m not the one calling the doctors and speaking to them. it’s in the hands of others, and i’m left just waiting and twirling my thumbs… waiting and wondering.

i recognize that this adventure is not a short one, that it could take a long time for my body to heal and erradicate the tumors, and i’m ready for the long haul, yet at the same point, i’m own that i am a very proactive and continually moving person. some yogis can meditate for hours and hours, for me, not to much. my max is about 2 hours in the chamber every day and then some in the morning and some in the evening. the rest of the time, i like being active, i like moving around, i like exploring, creating, learning and doing all that i can to have a healthy and strong body. so when i’m forced to just twirl my thumbs, i get a bit frustrated. i know the feeling will be removed soon, just living in the moment for the now.

Tags: oncologist